AI can't fix this. Neither can a better app. Dating coach Clara Artschwager explains why you can't meet people in person — and traces it back to the childhood moments that taught you your desire wasn't safe.

Dating burnout is real — and it's not a you problem. This week I'm getting into why it's so widespread right now, what's actually driving it, and what to do instead this summer.

A memoir about self-discovery, personal evolution, and what it actually looks like to live into your fullest self — Kerry Docherty's Selfish is one of the most honest books about marriage and womanhood I've read in years.

Melissa Russo didn't plan for divorce. But what came after — the freedom, the pleasure, the unexpected beauty of a life reimagined — might be the best thing that ever happened to her. A conversation about reinvention, dating after divorce, and what it looks like to want different things now.

The friend zone isn't something that happens to you — it's something you choose, and for good reason. In this episode, we get to the root of why we land there, why it becomes a pattern, and what it actually takes to move forward.

What do you do when something you deeply wanted — something you planned for, hoped for, maybe even built your life around — simply doesn't happen?

That's the question at the center of this conversation. My guest Alison Matheny is a writer, artist, and all-around creative who is childless by circumstance — she wanted to become a mother, and despite every desire and intention, that path didn't unfold. Now at 44, we get into what life actually looks and feels like on the other side of that.

This is about more than motherhood. It's about what any of us do when reality diverges from the life we imagined — and how we find our footing, our meaning, and ourselves anyway.

By now you've probably heard of Strangers — the memoir that's been everywhere lately. Here's the setup, which Belle Burden herself reveals in the first two pages: her husband of 20 years walked out a few days into the pandemic. And never came back.

But why is this book hitting so hard? It's not just the media attention. There's something deeper going on — something that has people underlining passages, texting it to friends, and sitting with it long after they've finished. 

What does it actually mean to surrender — and how do you do it without giving up on what you want? In this episode, Clara sits down with Nikki Heyder, trauma-informed psychotherapist, business mentor, and author based in Bali, to explore one of the most misunderstood concepts in the personal growth space. Together they unpack how to hold a deep desire — like finding love — while releasing your grip on the outcome, and why that tension is often where the real work lives.

Watching Love Story lit something up — and it's not just the wardrobe. We've optimized our dating lives so thoroughly we've drained them of all feeling. In this episode: 3 concrete ways to bring back the lust, risk, and aliveness your love life is missing.

Anne Benveniste — coach, writer, and founder of the Substack Character — joins me to talk about the moment she realized her MBA, her tech jobs, and even her social life were all versions of the same avoidance. We get into success formulas, the energy cost of misalignment, learning to feel your feelings (with a little help from DMT), and why tarot might be the most practical tool for navigating a life in transition.

I'm recording this one from inside a blizzard, which honestly feels appropriate — because this episode is about what happens when you white-knuckle your way through life alone instead of letting people in.

We're talking about hyper-independence: where it comes from, why so many high-achieving women wear it like a badge of honor, and why it might be the exact thing standing between you and the connection you're craving — whether that's in dating, in a long-term relationship, or just in your friendships.

I get into the through line between the easy-going, accommodating version of yourself you learned to perform and the loneliness or resentment you might be feeling now. And I share a very unglamorous story from my own marriage that made me laugh at myself a little — because this stuff is ongoing, even when you know better.

If you've ever caught yourself saying "whatever works for you" when you actually had a preference, this one's for you.

Oftentimes, when we say or I feel, “I’m not sure I even want a relationship,” it’s actually a way to mask the pain of not yet having the relationship, and the fear that it will never come to fruition. It’s easier to convince ourselves we don’t want this thing versus confront the feelings of what it might be like to not have it.

Here's something I hear from clients all the time:

I'm never going to meet someone.

There's no one left.

All the good men are gone.

Therapist and coach Julia Zwerin is back to dig into this subject with me. In this episode we discuss:

• What's behind the fear that you'll never meet someone

• How your scarcity mindset has more to do with your past than it does the reality of the potential partners available to you

• How holding this belief can serve as a form of protection from intimacy

• Practical ways to shift your mindset around your potential for meeting someone

• Why it's totally normal to see the same people on a dating app

• The difference between a relationship meeting our ego's needs versus being emotionally available

When we want to acquire something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new life experience, we tend to think of it as additive. We add items to our to do list, write down goals, consider how we want to do things differently.

But I find considering what we need to let go of —  be that a person, a way of being, a pattern, a way we VIEW ourselves, a desired outcome — to make space for the new thing even more crucial. It's in the letting go and shedding that we're forced to get most uncomfortable. 

The other week a friend sent me a clip from Instagram, and despite not being the biggest Logan Ury fan, I really got down with what she was saying here.

"Great relationships are built, they're not discovered."

This concept is top of mind as my husband and I work through a new phase in our marriage with the addition of a child. But it's also top of mind as I connect with clients at the forefront of the year and reflect on the inner work that's really calling to them in 2025.

Here's where I meet most of my clients: They've been in therapy for years, they have a tremendous amount of awareness around their stuff — their mom issues, their dad issues, their attachment style, their insecurities, how they attract the wrong men, etc etc. They know it all like the back of their hand! But their dating and relationship life remains the same. What gives?

January tends to be a month rife with a lot of "I'm going to do this and that and goals goals goals!" And if that feels good to you, then great. But I find most of us stack ourselves with a litany of to dos, only to feel massively let down a few weeks later. Dating tends to be one of those areas. In today's podcast episode I'm breaking down why solely focusing on going on dates won't actually bring you closer to developing rich partnership and why it's so crucial to pair action around dating with our inner work.

How are you all? It's been a minute! I'm slowly coming out of my cocoon of maternity leave. I'm only working part time, if that in January. In today's episode I'm sharing what the last few weeks have been like and how I'm embracing a slow start to the year, which seems to be a theme I'm seeing for other — motherhood or not — too.