What do you do when something you deeply wanted — something you planned for, hoped for, maybe even built your life around — simply doesn't happen?

That's the question at the center of this conversation. My guest Alison Matheny is a writer, artist, and all-around creative who is childless by circumstance — she wanted to become a mother, and despite every desire and intention, that path didn't unfold. Now at 44, we get into what life actually looks and feels like on the other side of that.

This is about more than motherhood. It's about what any of us do when reality diverges from the life we imagined — and how we find our footing, our meaning, and ourselves anyway.

The friend zone isn't something that happens to you — it's something you choose, and for good reason. In this episode, we get to the root of why we land there, why it becomes a pattern, and what it actually takes to move forward.

What does it actually mean to surrender — and how do you do it without giving up on what you want? In this episode, Clara sits down with Nikki Heyder, trauma-informed psychotherapist, business mentor, and author based in Bali, to explore one of the most misunderstood concepts in the personal growth space. Together they unpack how to hold a deep desire — like finding love — while releasing your grip on the outcome, and why that tension is often where the real work lives.

Watching Love Story lit something up — and it's not just the wardrobe. We've optimized our dating lives so thoroughly we've drained them of all feeling. In this episode: 3 concrete ways to bring back the lust, risk, and aliveness your love life is missing.

Oftentimes, when we say or I feel, “I’m not sure I even want a relationship,” it’s actually a way to mask the pain of not yet having the relationship, and the fear that it will never come to fruition. It’s easier to convince ourselves we don’t want this thing versus confront the feelings of what it might be like to not have it.

Here's something I hear from clients all the time:

I'm never going to meet someone.

There's no one left.

All the good men are gone.

Therapist and coach Julia Zwerin is back to dig into this subject with me. In this episode we discuss:

• What's behind the fear that you'll never meet someone

• How your scarcity mindset has more to do with your past than it does the reality of the potential partners available to you

• How holding this belief can serve as a form of protection from intimacy

• Practical ways to shift your mindset around your potential for meeting someone

• Why it's totally normal to see the same people on a dating app

• The difference between a relationship meeting our ego's needs versus being emotionally available

When we want to acquire something new, be it a new job, a new relationship, a new home, a new life experience, we tend to think of it as additive. We add items to our to do list, write down goals, consider how we want to do things differently.

But I find considering what we need to let go of —  be that a person, a way of being, a pattern, a way we VIEW ourselves, a desired outcome — to make space for the new thing even more crucial. It's in the letting go and shedding that we're forced to get most uncomfortable. 

The other week a friend sent me a clip from Instagram, and despite not being the biggest Logan Ury fan, I really got down with what she was saying here.

"Great relationships are built, they're not discovered."

This concept is top of mind as my husband and I work through a new phase in our marriage with the addition of a child. But it's also top of mind as I connect with clients at the forefront of the year and reflect on the inner work that's really calling to them in 2025.

Here's where I meet most of my clients: They've been in therapy for years, they have a tremendous amount of awareness around their stuff — their mom issues, their dad issues, their attachment style, their insecurities, how they attract the wrong men, etc etc. They know it all like the back of their hand! But their dating and relationship life remains the same. What gives?

January tends to be a month rife with a lot of "I'm going to do this and that and goals goals goals!" And if that feels good to you, then great. But I find most of us stack ourselves with a litany of to dos, only to feel massively let down a few weeks later. Dating tends to be one of those areas. In today's podcast episode I'm breaking down why solely focusing on going on dates won't actually bring you closer to developing rich partnership and why it's so crucial to pair action around dating with our inner work.

How are you all? It's been a minute! I'm slowly coming out of my cocoon of maternity leave. I'm only working part time, if that in January. In today's episode I'm sharing what the last few weeks have been like and how I'm embracing a slow start to the year, which seems to be a theme I'm seeing for other — motherhood or not — too.

We've all had the guy (or....guys ; )) who don't communicate well, who leave us in the dark, who aren't looking for commitment or exclusivity. Maybe they're clear about it, maybe they're not. Either way, they're like a drug we can't quit — quite literally (more on that in the episode). A text flies in, we're in their presence, all sense of clarity and judgement is lost. I very vividly recall these seasons of my life.

Today I'm joined by my dear friend Julia Zwerin, therapist and coach, to dig into this question: What is it about the toxic, avoidant, unable to commit guys who are just sooooo tantalizing? What causes us to get caught up with them — be it for weeks, months, or years? She spells it out so beautifully in this convo.

Today's guest is a beloved return one, Megan Hellerer, because her new amazing book (have read it, can vouch) is out and I couldn't be more excited. And I'm giving away two copies to listeners, give a listen to learn how you can access!

In today's episode we're digging into:

• The power of following our curiosity and why most of us don't

• How when we stop trying to control and predict the future — new opportunities emerge

• How success is about finding what's true for you, versus what's "right"

• How to move towards what's "light and right," what makes you feel warm and like yourself, versus cold and hard.
  

In this week's episode I'm tackling the following question: How do we sit with our desire for something, and attempt to work towards it, but not know if or when or how it's going to come to fruition? How do we do so while we watch it happening for other people around us?

In this episode I'm addressing both how to sit with the unknown and tangible ways to move us closer to relationship. These are the exact practices I've walked my clients through over the past six years.

In this week's episode I'm chatting with NY Times best-selling author and master life coach, Kara Loewentheil. Kara is also the founder of The School of New Feminist Thought. In this episode we discuss how to not get derailed by someone's texting patterns, what it does and doesn't mean to settle in relationships, the emotional labor necessary in all relationships and more.

How do you view yourself? What do you believe is available to you — based on who you are? This is an area I look at closely when clients of mine have been perpetually single, struggle to meet people, or feel like they never connect deeply with anyone.

Today's episode covers how the behaviors eldest daughters/hero children adopt, that initially serve as forms of self preservation and receiving love, are, in many ways, in direct conflict with the behaviors and skills that build healthy partnership. That allow us to connect deeply with others, be supported and loved by others, be seen and witnessed in our authenticity.

This episode kicks is a second in a series series that takes a deep dive into the characteristics of eldest daughters/hero children and their specific struggles in romantic relationships. If you grew up in a family where you took on the role of peacekeeper, good girl, always easy and accommodating — this episode will really resonate. Today’s episode looks at why women of this kind can remain chronically single or deeply resistant to dating.